Eli, I submit. You have won. Nothing in my list comes close to Happy Clucking Holidays. Nothing. (Here's the Rhapsody playlist).

I listened to the cluck-o-riffic version of “Carol of the Bells” and couldn't stop simultaneously laughing and despising myself for laughing at the sheer horridity of the sounds emanating from the speakers. Then I listened to the cluck-tastic edition of “Ode to Joy” — Beethoven would enter into anaphalactic shock if he could hear it, but he'd be laughing convulsively all the way.

Mr. Evans, I defer to your Horrible-Christmas-Music-finding greatness. Your skills of scraping the depths of Rhapsody's music vault are unparalleled by mere mortals such as myself.

You, sir, have won.