Going through some old email, I ran into this gem I wrote back in February. I needed to provide driving directions to a friend so he could come to a study I was doing on a portion of First Timothy.

I had been reading a lot of writings of the Apostolic Fathers (particularly those of Ignatius) and, well, I think it affected me.

No disrespect is meant, and the letter is mostly sincere. But if you read some of these early fathers ... you'll pick up what I'm puttin' down here. Sometimes the degree to which they defend their own motives or attempt to spiritualize ordinary things can be comical. Some information has been changed/obscured to protect the innocent.

Father Rico, a humble servant of the Lord's, seeking to do His will:

To the blessed Monsignior, a giant in the faith, surely teaching and instructing the will of the Lord to those souls the Lord hath entrusted to him:

It is with pleasure in the Lord that I am able to provide you with instructions by which you may proceed to the most reverend Bishop's see.

I beg your forgiveness, however, as my own skill in this area is rather lacking. As we are all well aware, the Lord has blessed me in areas other than skill with geography.

The Bishop's see is quite close to my own small compound (I mention small for its descriptive value, not in any sense of ungratefulness of the generous provision of the Lord for my welfare). I will now attempt step-by-step instructions. I do beg your indulgence; these will be provided in the vernacular as this is truly the most effective way to provide such vital information in a manner that it can be comprehended and applied to one's own travel in this sinful, fallen world in which we live.

1. The street known as [...] proceeds to the traffic signal on the "hill" (allowing for God's provision in establishing a green light, indicating you may proceed according to the laws of the fallen government which we are subject to) go straight through the intersection, and climb the hill.

2. At the 'T' style intersection at the top of the hill, turn right. Beware, for though the turn to the left is the more narrow and windy road, which we as bretheren in Christ are to prefer, we must always remember that the physical, fallen state throws curves at us, attempting to beguile us with snares of the devil. Please do turn right at this intersection.

3. Follow this road — it proceeds for quite a ways — until you arrive at another T-style intersection. You must persevere and withstand all worldly urges to turn on a side road, for these surely run into vanity and destruction. Remain on this road.

4. At the T-style intersection, you are to turn left. The left turn proceedeth up the hill to glory, the right turn will surely lead you to the fleshly, earthly area known as [...].

5. The see of the blessed Bishop is at the top of the hill, on the left.

I trust these instructions will be edifying and will allow for your swift and sure navigation through the challenges and travails this world foists upon the true soul who desireth to proceed to the goal set before him.

Please send my greetings to those there that know me; offer them my blessings in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

I am your humble servant,

Father Rico

(If you find it necessary, blessed brother, you may contact me via the abomination known as a 'cell phone' [the communicants in my flock demand I have one that they may contact me with their questions in the Lord]; the number is [...])